8 Amateur Mistakes You Must Avoid at Work

8 Amateur Mistakes You Must Avoid at WorkSometimes getting jobs, changing jobs, and dreaming about dream jobs takes up so much of our career energy that we forget to focus on the job were in now. Take care not to make careless mistakes or get too complacent. Make aya youre not guilty of any of the following blundersand then go back to daydreaming.1. Playing politicsIt never pays to be cutthroat, backstab, or even to go in the other direction and be sickeningly nice to everyone. People can read a phony from miles away. Dont be one.Rather than constantly posturing, stick to your own personality, smoothed over a bit to maintain your professionalism, of course. Be genuine.2. Over-taskingMulti-tasking is one thingand a very valuable skill, but it can be overdone. When you have too much on your plate, some projects will get lost in the shuffle. Keep your head, choose your priorities, and stay focused on one thing at a time whenever possible. That means not answering emails or texts during meetings, and actually listening when your colleagues speak.3. WhiningNobody likes all aspects of their job. But everyone appreciates a positive attitude. Keep quiet about what makes you most disgruntled, even if you really wish you could blast it on Twitter for sheer catharsis. Focus on what you can change, and stay quiet about the rest. If things are really all that bad, start looking for another job.4. Promising too muchWe all want to be the hero and say yes whenever called upon. But its important to make sure you can deliver on the promises you make. Dont overextend yourself and end up disappointing people. Help whenever you can, and push yourself to greater heights, but stay honest and dont let expectations get away from you.5. StruttingKnow your place. If youve just started in a company, dont walk around like the C.E.O. You have to earn your coworkers (and bosss) respect over time. That way, when you run the place, everyone will still like you, as well as fear you.6.Being anti socialDont just mainline a salad at your desk, or grab lunch with only your team every day as if nothing elsenot even the rest of the companyexists. Dont forget to make friends that arent necessarily working with you on a day-to-day basis. It will help you maintain a work-life balance, even at the office. And it helps you make more connections and develop a more diverse profile at your company and in your field.7. Not answering opportunitys knockEven if you like your job, you shouldnt turn a blind eye to new opportunities. You never know when a better position or more exciting opportunity will come your way. It pays to be prepared.8.Letting small failures keep you downWe all make mistakes. What we should all do is learn from them. It keeps us from making even more mistakes, keeps us humble, and keeps us improving ourselves in hopes of greater and greater success.

How I Deal With Toxic Friends, as a Former Toxic Friend

How I Deal With Toxic Friends, as a Former Toxic Friend Everyones had a toxic friend at some point in their lives. The wise may do their best to avoid getting tangled up in complicated, energy-draining friendships, but as the adage goes, you cant pick your friends. That being said, you can cut off the toxic people in your life. For many relationships, this is the best option.But toxicity isnt a binary when it comes to any relationship. A romantic partner or friend can have toxic behaviors without being fully toxic. There are ways to manage such behavior.How do I know? Because Ive been that needy, over-involved, manipulative friend.Im not saying Im perfect now far from it. But Ive been working hard on myself. I firmly believe that having a mental illness does notgive you a license to be toxic. However, I also acknowledge that a lot of problematic behavior stems from mental illness. Ive been diagnosed with a variety of issues myself from major depressive disorder to generalized anxi ety and OCD. But my fruchtwein recent assessment includes characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder.Ive found that a lot of people Ive talked to over the years can identify certain toxic behaviors as being borderline. This is largely because those who know someone who has BPD has experienced secondpranke the effects of the disorder self-destructive habits, manipulative behavior, unstable relationships, extreme mood swings, and suicidal thoughts and/or attempts.(Note While you can recognize certain behaviors as being toxic or borderline, NEVER diagnose yourself or others with any form of mental illness. Like any disease, personality disorders require a diagnosis from a medical professional. If your friend experiences borderline symptoms, do not label them as having BPD unless they have been diagnosed as such and have shared that diagnosis with you)Now, Ive only been diagnosed with borderline characteristics myself. Why? One psychiatrist told me that at age 24, my personalit y wasnt fully developed. Other professionals have said that the stigma surrounding BPD makes mental health professionals hesitant to make a full diagnosis unless the symptoms are especially severe. But Ive been treated recently using techniques designed for people with personality disorders, with a combination of medication and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy).Its helped me a lot. Since dedicating myself to treatment, Ive been sober, and Ive put a lot of work into maintaining clear boundaries with my friends and family. Those close to me have asked how they can best help me maintain my progress and how they should treat my problematic behaviors in the future. I tell them a few key things1. Establish boundaries.Overstepping boundaries, again and again, is a classic toxic behavior, whether its demanding an excess of someones money, attention or even just their time. Attention has always been a big issue for me. Like many people with BPD, I have a fear of abandonment, and my needy be havior has actively driven people away, feeding into the cycle of problematic behavior.Its ultimately on the person violating boundaries to stop doing so. However, you can help by being clear about what your boundaries are and calling out your friend when they overstep. May that hurt their feelings? It might. But in the long term, theyll prefer having a healthy relationship with you rather than driving you away.2. Be clear dont hint.This goes hand in hand with establishing boundaries. You may be tempted to hint at your friends problematic behavior rather than straight-up calling them out. I get it its easier to be indirect. I hate confrontation myself, as I believe most people do. But not everyone can take a hint someone who frequently exhibits toxic behavior may be oblivious to any suggestions about their behavior.Again, its always on the person causing any interpersonal issues to correct their behavior. But if you want them to change, youre better off being direct. And, yes, you may hurt their feelings. You may drive them away altogether. But if your friend isnt willing to change their behavior, then they may not deserve to be your friend at all.3. Dont blame yourself.Being friends with someone who exhibits self-destructive behaviors can be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes, certain things may trigger them to self-destruct. You may worry that what you said or did triggered them into acting out horribly, maybe even with a suicide threat or attempt.Keep in mind that whatever your friend does to themselves, it is NEVER your fault. Even if theyre reacting to an interaction with you, its solely their responsibility when they participate in destructive behaviors.4. Dont be afraid to walk away.No one wants to be part of something as extreme as a near-death experience, be it due to drug use or an active suicide attempt. You may be scared to inadvertently hurt your friend by walking away. DONT BE. In the end, your mental health is just as important as anyone elses.I t doesnt even need to be something extreme. If you find yourself continually contending with a friends manipulative behavior, no matter how minor or significant it seems, you can always walk away.Youre also not responsible for your friends mental health. If you are worried about them, you can alert a close friend or family member of theirs or direct them to a mental health professional. You cant guarantee that theyll take the help, but if it makes you feel better about walking away, its something to consider. Your friend should get professional help, anyway, rather than only relying on friends.While you can be compassionate to your toxic friends and help steer them onto the right path, their behavior is their responsibility. I have told several friends that I want them to feel like they can step away if they need to because, in the end, thats good for me as well as them.If Im trapped in a codependent cycle with a friend and cant stop, it is far better for both of us in the long run for them to set limits or end the friendship. Does it hurt when someone ends a friendship? Heck yes, it does. It hurts a lot. But often, doing things that are good for you can be extremely difficult. Ultimately, though, doing whats needed to have healthy relationships is good for everyones mental health. Emma Lasky--This story originally appearedon Ravishly.

How to Find Your Ideal Career Path, Part 1

How to Find Your Ideal Career Path, Part 1 Recently, I was in aSkype meeting with a job seeker. This job seeker is 25. In order to help helfende hand his family, he has worked in retail and sales since graduating high school. Now, he is ready to do something for himself and find a career path that excites him and brings him satisfaction.He asked me How do I figure out what I want to do in my career? I have never spent much time thinking about it, and Im not even sure what I would be good at.Long story short, there is no magic answer. I wont be able to tell you what career you should have after a 90-minute call. Its just not that simple. There are so many variables in figuring out what your ideal career is. To make it even more complicated, your ideal careergenerally changes over time as your experience, skills, and preferences grow and change.How DoYou Figure Out What You Want to Do?It all starts with a self-inventory and some dreaming. This partee of the process doesnt need to be overly complicated, but you do need to commit some time to doing it.You can either do this on your own or use an assessment tool. If you are using a tool, do your research first to ensure you are using something that will add value. One that I recommend and feature on my own site is eParachute.For the price of a cup of coffee, you get 12 months of access to a great tool that allows you to explore career and study options as much as youd like. Using this tool will save you time in researching roles that fit your skills and interests, and it may provide you with career and study ideas that you might not have thought of on your own.If you are going to work through the process pen-and-paper style, you need to start by listingskills you havetypes of people you enjoy working withknowledge and educationinterestsexperiences and achievements you are proud of (both work and personal you can later think about the skills needed to accomplish these things)and indus tries and roles that interest you.Take your time with the exerciseto ensure your lists are as exhaustive as possible. Then, go to career sites and search through the jobs and industries that align with your lists. Pick out a few of your favorite career options and spend time researching each. Two sites that are great for researching careers are myfutureand the Australian governments Job Outlook. (Ed. note Because the author is Australian, these sites are focused on Australian job seekers there are also plenty of similar sites for job seekers around the world.)After you have decided on a career path you are interested in, let it sit for a day or two. Then reconsider your choice. While the career path you select certainly isnt something you have to do for the rest of your life, coming back to it with fresh eyes will help you see things you might have originally overlooked.Deciding on your ideal career path is only the first step of the journey. The next step is working out how to get there and that is where the real fun begins. In part two of this article, well talk about how to make a plan to get yourself on the right track to the career of your choice.Stacey Gleeson is the founder andjob search/interview coach atPrimed Interviews.If you have a question about your job search, send heran email at stacey.gleesonprimedinterviews.com.au.